As I’ve written before, I try not to place family dinner on too high a pedestal. But there’s something about the Thanksgiving meal
with extended family that brings out the anxious mom in me. Suddenly, the work we do throughout the year to nudge our kids toward better manners and “just one bite” is on stage, for grandparents, aunts, and uncles to see. Inevitably, someone turns up his nose up at a lovingly prepared dish, knocks over his milk, or pours it into his stuffing. I know it’s not healthy to worry about these possibilities, or get worked up if they come to pass. But as the parent of at least one picky eater on any given day, I don’t think I’m alone.
“When parents have a child who only eats a select number of foods, the thought of the traditional Thanksgiving meal can be overwhelming,” says Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, a pediatric feeding therapist and author of Happy Mealtimes with Happy Kids. “There are so many “what if?” that create stress: What of my child won’t eat anything? What if the rest of the family comments on that? What if I have to bring his preferred foods—how will that go over? It’s emotional and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure the holiday meal meets certain expectations.”
Because some parents are going to sweat the situation no matter what, she’s helped me come up with some ideas for getting through the big meal without too much stress or fuss. (And none of them involve making mashed potatoes for the first time ever a week beforehand to get your children used to the texture—something I have, ahem, heard about, uh, someone actually doing.)
Make one or two simple dishes that you know your picky child is going to eat. Though it may seem counterintuitive, Thanksgiving is not the time to broaden your child’s palate. Your great aunt is likely to be less bothered than you think by your child eating happily eating a side of mac and cheese with his turkey—heck, she might not even notice. But she might take note if he screams and cries about not wanting to take a bite of her special creamed peas. Make (and if you’re traveling, bring) something easy yet filling, like pasta, rolls, or rice, and serve it without fanfare alongside a few selections from the main meal that you think your child might enjoy.
Set reasonable expectations for how long your child must stay at the table. If you have a “wanderer,” keeping your child’s backside on her seat might be your biggest concern. A day or two leading up to a big holiday meal, you can do some pretend play with little ones—set up a table with play food, practice saying grace (if that’s a tradition) and make “conversation.” Put a timer on it and challenge your child to stay seated until the buzzer goes off. When it comes to the big day, remind her of how long you expect her to sit at the table. Adding some conversational games, especially if there’s a kid’s table, might be just the thing to keep everyone engaged. Encourage diners to go around the table and name something they are thankful for, or before the meal, write down simple questions on a piece of paper and have everyone pick one or two out of a hat.
Have your child help with table and food prep. When you make children a part of the prep work, they’ll be more invested in the meal. Choose age-appropriate tasks in advance, and if you’re dining outside your house, talk to the hosts in advance about your ideas. Little kids can make name cards for the table, or fun centerpieces, like these Potato Turkeys, which Potock first devised for the site Tender Foodie: cut off the bottom of a potato so it will stand upright, and poke holes in the top and back with a skewer or toothpick. Give kids a box filled with feathers, stick-on eyes, red felt, scissors and craft glue. Older children can arrange and serve cut-up veggies before the meal, fill water glasses, or help with simple cooking tasks, like topping yams with marshmallows or tearing herbs.
Once the meal is in motion, hand in your dinner police badge for an hour. “Instead of focusing on what your child will eat (or not eat), focus on the most important thing: friends and family,” says Potock. “Thanksgiving is about gathering together with friends and family with grateful hearts – it’s about being together. A year from now, the memories you’ll have won’t be how many bites of green bean casserole your kiddo ate. It will be the memory of everyone together around the table, sharing stories and simply being together.”
Photo credit: Place setting: Trekkyandy via Photo Pin, cc; Potato turkey: Melanie Potock via Tender Foodie
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