big kids Archives - Page 7 of 10

Do Table Manners Matter?

April 28, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

I’ll never forget the first time I gave serious thought to my kids’ table manners. It was maybe four years ago, at my friend Megan’s house. She and her husband and kids had invited our family over for brunch. When it came time to sit at the beautiful table on her lovely porch, I noticed a few things: We were all sitting together (preschoolers, toddlers, and parents). We were all eating the same thing (I don’t recall what it was exactly, but I know it didn’t involve dinosaur-shaped nuggets or squeezy yogurt). And everyone’s place was set with glasses. Glass glasses.

My children hung in there for a few minutes, but before long, cream cheese was smeared, fussing ensued, and at least one boy had drifted away from the table in the direction of a toy, trailing bagel crumbs along the way. Our friends didn’t seem to care, but I did. Clearly, we had a lot of work to do when it came to eating in anything approaching a civilized manner.

Progress has been slow, and I know I have mainly myself to blame. To my husband, who’s more vigilant about keeping the baby-wolf-like behaviors in check at mealtime, I’ve tried to explain, lamely, why I sometimes let manners slide. It’s a matter of priorities: When you’re chiefly concerned with making sure three active and picky boys get enough to eat, some manners are going to fall by the wayside. Perhaps that means letting a child bring his Garfield comic book to the table to get through three more bites of chicken. Or letting someone use their hands to eat their green beans “because it’s more fun that way.” Or letting the baby drift away mid-dinner, because you’re just too damn tired to convince him to stay. (And too tired to stand your ground when the same child inevitably asks for a bowl of cereal an hour later.)

I’ve also occasionally questioned whether, in the grand scheme of a family meal, especially in the privacy of one’s home, table manners really matter. But I know they do, and not just for appearance’s sake. Convincing kids to sit at a table longer increases the likelihood that the food you’ve taken time to prepare gets eaten. Cutting out the kicking, interrupting, or yelling better allows family members to have those meaningful, important conversations. Keeping fingers out of food, drinks, mouths and noses reduces the risk that kids will spread and catch illnesses. The list goes on.

The trick is getting kids to do all these things without behaving like canines ourselves by barking our way through an unpleasant mealtime. Luckily, Lisa Collins, the mom behind Perfectly Mannered classes and workshops, lives in my town. She shared some really persuasive reasons for why we should be paying more attention to good table etiquette—and great tips for getting kids on board. As with so much smart parenting advice, the theme is pretty simple: consistency.

HHK: Do you think kids today have more trouble with table manners than previous generations?

Lisa Collins: Yes, because our fast-paced, on-demand approach to life minimizes the importance of table manners, and doesn’t create opportunities to learn and practice these skills. If we’re only sitting down for a quick seven-minute meal between carpooling to three different practices, homework and last-minute trips to the market, good table manners are barely on our dinner time radar. Our focus is on getting nourishment into our kids’ bodies, not on using the proper fork! But our schedules also reduce the time needed to practice good table manners. We are not born with this knowledge and skill set, and unless we give our kids the opportunity to practice table manners, we can’t expect them to simply pick it up by holiday mealtime.

HHK: What are the core table manners you suggest focusing on when teaching kids?

Lisa Collins: The four table manners I focus on first with kids are the ones which ensure we’re being considerate of the people around us.

Sit squarely at the table
Napkin on your lap
Don’t talk with your mouth full/close your lips when you chew your food.
Be present and engaged with the other people at the table.

HHK: What are some traditional table manners that you think are outdated now?

Lisa Collins: Anything to do with the role of women and girls at the table. Traditionally, women took a backseat to the men at the table, in terms of both the food and the social experience. Today, obviously, genders are equal at the table. However, it is important to remember to continue to give deferential treatment to any elders with whom you are sharing your meal.

HHK: What are some “new” manners we should be teaching our kids, that our parents didn’t have to worry about?

Lisa Collins: We need to be aware of what I call “digi-manners.” Electronic devices are a part of our everyday (every minute!) world, but need to be set aside, away from the table and out of reach, at mealtime. They take our attention away from the people we are with, they distract us, and they exclude (how many people can really watch a YouTube video at one time!). The key here is to practice what you preach. As hard as it is to restrain ourselves from checking our phone, there’s no way our kids will be okay stashing away their devices at mealtime if we don’t do it ourselves.

HHK: What are favorite strategies for helping children learn and follow the table manner rules you’ve set up for your family?

Lisa Collins: Practice, practice, practice. Give kids the opportunity to try out their new skills each and every day—and that means gentle reminders not only during meals, but also snack time and even pretend playtime for the younger set. Modeling good table manners is also a critical element of successfully teaching our children good table manners. Take your time to emphasize what it is you are doing, so those behaviors become a natural part of your family mealtime. This might mean setting aside a little more time, when possible, for mealtime, and not trying to cram it in between other, seemingly “more important” things.
At home, good table manners should also include setting the table and helping to clean up. These “jobs” help kids to not only learn proper table setting, but also to appreciate the entire dining experience.

HHK: How about restaurants?

Lisa Collins: Going out to eat is one of my favorite things to do with kids to teach good table manners. Eating in a restaurant provides a clear structure for learning and practicing good table manners, and ensures the meal will last longer than 15 minutes! From the time kids learn to talk, they should be ordering their own meal. Using the phrase, “May I please have…” is one of the easiest things for them to remember, and sets the stage for good table manners from the beginning of the meal to the end. And remember, no restaurant is too casual for proper table manners!

HHK: I’ve talked about how table manners can improve family bonding, nutrition, and hygiene. What are some other reasons you think we should be paying more attention to teaching table manners?

Lisa Collins: Three big things: One, good manners demonstrate you have respect and consideration for others. Things like chewing with your mouth closed or not grabbing the last roll teaches us a larger lesson of being sensitive to people around us. Second, it helps kids practice social confidence. Mealtime provides an endless number of social decisions that we have to make in short order and on your own (like, how do I answer a question if I have food in my mouth?) Finally, good manners can cultivate a healthy relationship with food. It creates a positive environment that connects food, other people, and ourselves to a singular positive experience.

Well said! For more about Lisa Collins, or to contact her with further questions, check out her website, Perfectly Mannered.

photo credit: Noo via Photo Pin, cc

Create a Fairy Garden (or Wizard Garden)

April 24, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

With three boys, I never had much hope for getting my kids interested in dollhouses. But recently, in our favorite local garden center, we came across something better: fairy gardens.

Apparently, these miniature gardens are developing a cult following. While it may seem a bit twee as a grown-up hobby, it’s a terrific activity to do with kids. Like dollhouses, you can create a pretend world, but this is a much more magical, mystical, living world, with growing plants and water and other natural items amid little figurines.

If you have a child who’s firmly against anything to do with sprites in gauzy, pastel dresses, know you need not make “fairy garden”; you can, as we did, make a wizard, elf, or gnome garden, with magical men and spooky little plants, like cactuses and interesting vine-like ground cover.

Fairy or Wizard Garden How-To

1. Find a tray, pot, or a base that is at least four inches deep. If you want to make a larger fairy garden, consider a galvanized tub or even a wheelbarrow.

2. Fill with several inches inches of good potting soil and, if desired, some moss.

3. Decorate your garden with 2-3 small plants per square foot. Make sure the plants have similar sunlight and water needs. Miniature succulents and ground cover plants work well.

4. Use or purchase miniature figurines at a garden store or online. Our local garden center, Volante Farms, sells products made by Georgetown Home and Garden (including the cool wizard, below left). Plow and Hearth, Enchanted Garden, and The Fairy Garden Store also have a great selection. Pet stores also sell little cottages and colorful rocks in their fish section.

5. Use found rocks, chipped pottery, or tiles to make pathways or other designs throughout your garden.

6. Let your child place the tray in his or her windowsill, the kitchen, or in a protected area outside, and set a spray bottle or little watering can nearby as a reminder to keep the soil moist. Make a watering schedule he or she can stick to.

How to Talk to Boys about Bullying

April 14, 2015 by Kelley 1 Comment

When they’re being bullied, girls are more likely to be positively affected by talking to their moms than boys are, according to new research out of the University of Michigan. Sharing their troubles with mom seems to help protect girls, but not boys, from later antisocial behavior that tends to affect kids who are bullied.

This might not surprise a lot of us, who assume that girls in general may be naturally “more connected” to their moms. But deeper data in the study reveal that something more might be at work. Turns out that moms are talking to their sons less than they’re talking to their daughters, generally. We may not be giving boys their fair share of opportunities to download their concerns and fears to us.

I know: You try. So do I. I’m sure I’m not the only mom of boys to experience a dynamic we begin to hear about as soon as people find out you’re carrying a child with XY chromosomes: a diminishment of open, spontaneous communication as our sons age. Whereas a lot of us enjoy cuddly, close, and chatty relationships with our toddler- and preschool-age sons, a foundation for a conversational wall seems to take shape around kindergarten, when simple questions—”what did you do for school today?”—are often met with monosyllabic answers, grunts, or silence. Sometimes, you’re left to rely on intel from a female classmate or her mother—who, between aisle 9 and 10 in the grocery store, will fill you in on who your son is playing with, how he did on his Spanish exam, and what’s he’s eating for lunch on Wednesdays.

But this study seems to suggest yet another reason that it’s worth our while to break down that conversational wall, early and often—even if takes some determined and, I suspect, more creative means of chipping away. Bullied kids aren’t just going through a “phase.” Along with being at higher risk for later antisocial behavior, bullied kids are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety, which may persist into adulthood. They’re also more likely to exhibit decreased academic achievement and school participations than peers who don’t feel bullied.

Stopbullying.gov, the government campaign, has some helpful tips for encouraging kids to come to you if they’re having social difficulties at school. Their page “Keeping the Lines of Communication Open” seems particularly useful if you have a less-than-chatty son. I’m summarizing their tips, here.

Shoot to spend about 15 minutes a day talking to your kids about life in general. It can reassure them that they can talk to their parents if they have a problem. Here are some conversation starters:

What was one good thing that happened today? Any bad things?
What is lunch time like at your school? Who do you sit with? What do you talk about?
What is it like to ride the school bus?
What are you good at? What would do you like best about yourself?

Be sure to bring up the subject of bullying specifically from time to time, so your kids know it’s safe to talk to you about problems when they arise. Start with questions like these:

What does “bullying” mean to you?
Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?
Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?
Have you ever felt scared to go to school because you were afraid of bullying? What ways have you tried to change it?
What do you think parents can do to help stop bullying?
Have you or your friends left other kids out on purpose? Do you think that was bullying? Why or why not?
What do you usually do when you see bullying going on?
Do you ever see kids at your school being bullied by other kids? How does it make you feel?
Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happens again?

For my own mental bulletin board, I would add that it’s important that we allow more space for kids, girls and boys both, to talk about the not-so-rosy parts of their life. I know I have to work really hard to avoid having that knee-jerk look of anguish when my boys reveal a mistake or concern, and that I too often push a “buck up” attitude when they’re down. When we respond to the good, bad, and ugly with gentleness and equanimity, the more likely our boys will feel like ours is a comfortable shoulder to lean on.

photo credit: Gratitude, via Photo Pin, cc

Tricks for Tastier Veggies

April 7, 2015 by Kelley 1 Comment

A recent, multi-center study led by Harvard researchers reveals that kids are more likely to eat vegetables when they’re prepared by a professional chef. In other words, when veggies are made well, kids are more likely to eat them.

This is the type of research that sounds ridiculously obvious, but begs for a little honest self-examination. How many of us really pay attention to the way we prepare vegetables for our kids? In the grand scheme of dinner in my household, they often serve merely to check a food group off my list, and sliced and diced or debagged and nuked without much thought or creativity at all. They’re almost always thrown together at the last-minute; no wonder they’re the last things my kids eat.

Science tells us that a plant-based diet can protect against heart disease, cancer, and obesity. So as fresh, local spring produce hit the market, I’m making an effort to think about vegetables first, and meat and starches second when it comes to the kids’ dinner.

But I do have a rule: Vegetable recipes can’t be overly complicated. Dousing them in bread crumbs or cheese sauce not only masks the veggie’s true flavor, but also takes more time than I have on a typical weekday. Here are a few simple tricks that I’m finding to be especially kid- (and clock-) friendly these days. Please share yours.

Try Roasting

We’re accustomed to roasting potatoes and carrots, but you might be surprised by what a blast of super-high-heat can do for non-root-veggies, too. Basically, it gives a nice nutty flavor to the outside of the food without allowing the middle to get mushy (the bane of most stove-cooked vegetables). Case in point: broccoli. The incomparable chef and food scientist Bridget Lancaster of America’s Test Kitchen has talked about how roasting turned her boys into broccoli lovers.

Oven-Blasted Broccoli
4-6 cups broccoli florets
1/4 cup olive oil (or to taste)
1/4 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
Heat oven to 450. Toss broccoli, oil, and salt in bowl until florets are evenly coated. Spread evenly on foil-lined baking sheet and cook for 5-7 minutes or so, or until tips of florets are just turning golden brown in places. (Watch carefully so they don’t over-brown.)
Serves 4-6

Cut Them Into Cool Shapes

I’m not talking about roses and pandas, here. But taking a few minutes to shape out coins, spirals, or sticks not only makes kids think they’re eating something exciting and different. It can also enhance flavor by allowing more surface area for seasonings.

Zucchini Ribbons
2 zucchini, yellow or green or a mix
1-2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 garlic clove
Salt to taste
Optional: sesame seeds
Using a vegetable peeler, peel zucchini into long, lengthwise strips, turning zucchini in your hand to slice evenly until you get to the center. Heat butter and olive oil over low to medium heat in saucepan. Add zucchini and toss until it’s just softened, but not mushy, about 3-5 minutes. Add salt and sesame seeds (optional) at end before serving.
Serves 4-6

Add a Little Spice

Adding a sprinkle of paprika or high quality garlic salt (I love Trader Joe’s brand and use it often) are great ways introduce spice to kids who aren’t accustomed to heat. My kids like a touch of both spices on corn that’s shaved off the cob. It tastes just a little zesty—”like really yummy popcorn,” my one son has said. Start with a pinch and add more as they get more accustomed to the taste.

Corn Off the Cob
4 cobs of corn
2 tablespoons butter
Pinch of paprika and garlic salt, to taste
Optional: squeeze of half a lime
Boil large pot of water. Add corn and cook for 4-6 minutes. Take corn out and cool until you can touch it. Using sharp knife, hold cob upright, resting wide base against a cutting board, and carefully shave corn from the cob. Toss warm corn with butter and a pinch of paprika and garlic salt. Add a small squeeze of lime if you like a little more acid in your dish.
Serves 4-6

Give Kids Seasonings on the Side

It’s the (super-healthy) equivalent of a pizza or sundae bar: Give kids their own toppings, which makes them feel as if they’re in on the cooking process, and allows them to season to their own taste. Think beyond ranch dressing; some kids like a squeeze of lemon, shredded cheese, or a “fancy” salt (try Himalayan pink salt, which is now available in most grocery stores).

D.I.Y Asparagus Bites
1-2 pounds medium to thin asparagus
1 tablespoon olive oil
Salt to taste
For the side, in small bowls: lemon wedges; shredded parmesan or another favorite cheese; sea salt; a favorite dressing
Trim woody ends off of asparagus, and then cut asparagus into 3/4-inch to 1-inch-long pieces. Heat oil over medium heat until shimmering. Add asparagus pieces and toss, cooking quickly, just a 3 or so minutes, until bright green. Serve immediately, with toppings.
Serves 4-6

Try Something “Exotic”

Even if your child isn’t big on carrots, peas, and broccoli, he might be into peppery radishes, jicama sticks, or shredded purple cabbage. In our house, the new sensation is artichokes. They’re easy to make and fun to eat. A little bit of butter on the side is a must.

Steamed Artichokes
4-6 whole artichokes (if you can find baby artichokes, they’re great for kids)
Half a lemon
half stick of butter
Fill a wide bottomed pot or dutch oven with a few inches of water and the squeezed juice from the half-lemon. Put lemon water on high heat on the stove. Snip woody stems and half-inch off the top of the artichoke, as well as any stiff spikes on the leaves. When water is boiling, gently place artichokes, tops down, in pot. Reduce heat to medium and cover, cooking for 35-45 minutes or until part where you cut off stem can be easily pierced with a fork, and leaves can be pulled easily. Melt butter and divide into small bowls for each person. Give each child an artichoke and butter bowl and an extra bowl to toss in their discarded leaves. Teach them to pull a leaf, dip end of leaf in butter, and then pull artichoke meat from bottom of each leaf with their teeth.
Serves 4-6

For the Love of Libraries, Big and Small

April 3, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Yesterday, while jogging in a neighborhood near ours, I saw something at the end of a driveway that just about made my day:

I did an Internet search and discovered that these adorable Little Free Libraries are cropping up all over the U.S. The movement was founded five years ago by a Wisconsin man who put a little box of giveaway books outside his home to honor his late bibliophile mother. The idea is simple: Lucky neighbors give a book and take a book at their discretion. You can search for a box near you at this site.

As far as I can tell, most of these Little Free Libraries cater mainly to adults, but how great would it be to set one up with kids books outside of your home, especially during the lazy, brain-draining days of summer? I’m going to look into it, as well as our town permit laws (unbelievably, for their generosity of spirit and literature, a few Little Free Librarians have been given citations for setting up illegal detached structures on their properties.)

In the meantime, don’t forget to patronize your own town library. April 12-18 is National Library Week; if you’re looking for some great kids’ titles, check out the 2015 winners of the American Library Association’s best children’s book awards in this earlier post.

“More” Isn’t Key to Time with Kids

April 2, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

This is part of a series I’m calling “Guilt Busters”: Research-proven reasons to cut yourself some slack. More here.

Studies show that today’s parents spend more time with their kids than ever. And yet, I’m going to hazard a guess that whether you work out of home or stay at home, you probably feel you aren’t spending as much time with your kids as you think you should. More floor time, reading time, talk time, toss-a-ball-together time—all of those things would be great, if only we didn’t have to make a living, keep a habitable house, and communicate with other adults on occasion. But recent research from the University of Toronto and reported by The Washington Post’s Brigid Schulte tells us that more isn’t necessarily better when it comes to the time parents spend with kids.

In the first major longitudinal study of its kind, Toronto sociologists found that the number of hours mothers spend with children ages 3 to 11 has no effect on kids’ grades, behavior, emotional health, or more than a dozen other well-being measures. For teens, there was a small positive association between the amount of time spent with mothers and lower risk of delinquent behaviors, but no other health measures. And for those days when you’re stressed, sleep-deprived, or anxious? Spending more time with kids and teens actually has a negative impact on their well-being.

Study authors emphasize previous research showing that high-quality interactions—reading, sharing meals, exhibiting warmth—are beneficial for kids. What doesn’t seem to matter is the sheer quantity of time.

What’s the takeaway? For me, I’m going to worry less about hiring a sitter, signing the kids up for after school, or retreating to my office when I have extra work to do; but think a little more about what we are doing, as a family, when the articles, chores, and emails are done. Taking an hour to get my life in order, in peace, and then devoting the next hour to take a walk or play is far better for everyone than two hours in which kids are begging for attention while I tap away on my phone. Ironically, spending less time with my kids might actually take a bit more proactive scheduling and discipline on my part. But it just makes sense, doesn’t it? I’ll report back on how it goes.

Photo credit: Noo via Photo Pin, cc

New Kids’ Clothing Line—and Free Shipping!

March 31, 2015 by Kelley 2 Comments

At some point in the past decade, well-made, simple kids’ clothing became a seriously endangered species. As soon as you think you’ve landed on a perfectly nice blue shirt, you discover it’s covered in bubble letters, or leprechauns, or Phineas and Ferb. Dresses seem styled either for a baby doll or a Pussycat Doll. Even khakis are complicated, with buttons that stymie even nimble-fingered grown-ups. And just about everything—just ask my oldest son—is scratchy.

That’s why I’m grateful for the launch, today, of Primary, a new, totally original, basics-based clothing line that combines practicality, cuteness, comfort, and value. The company is offering 32 “essential” pieces in soft, long-wearing materials and delicious colors, from pool to petal to sunshine, all online. Everything is under $25. And when you enter the coupon code HHK at checkout anytime between now and May 15, you get free shipping on that order and all others—no minimum—for a whole year.

Full disclosure: Co-founder and CEO Galyn Bernard was my college roommate and is a dear friend of mine. Does that make me biased? Yes, but for the best of reasons: Galyn is just about the smartest, savviest, hardest-working and fun mom I know. If anyone is going to reform the overpriced-cheetah-print landscape that is kids’ clothing today, it’s her and her equally accomplished partner, Christina Carbonell, with whom Galyn worked in brand development at Quidsi (which owns and operates Diapers.com, YoYo.com and others). I asked Galyn a few questions to get a better sense of what’s in store for Primary.

Q: Why Primary?

A: After more than a dozen years shopping for clothes for our own kids, Christina and I still didn’t have a go-to for the stuff our kids wear every day. Everything in the market just seemed more expensive and harder to shop for than it should be. I think we were especially sensitive to it because we spent so much time at Diapers.com figuring out how to get busy parents their diapers and formula as quickly as possible. And we just wanted to be able to shop for basic kids clothes the way we used to shop for diapers—where it is incredibly easy to find the kind you like and buy more of them in bigger sizes whenever you need to. No other kids clothing brand is focused on this kind of easy experience. Through an online only sales model and a direct supply chain, Primary will offer quality, essential clothing for kids (newborn to 10 years), all priced under $25.

Boys’ polo, $16

Q. What were the very first Primary items you wanted to design for your own kids?

A. Sundress, girls’ shorts, and a polo were at the top of the list. Our girls wear a sundress everyday when it’s warm, and we wanted a well-priced classic version that was easy for school, playing, or going out to dinner. Plus, ours is reversible! Our kids refused to wear shorts that weren’t gym shorts because stiff fabrics and fussy closures, so we rethought a “nice short” that is comfortable and easy to wear. Finally, a nice, relaxed modern jersey polo for boys and girls was a must.

The dress, $16

Q. What are 1-2 must-have items for spring?
We really curated the assortment so that everything is a must-have, but if you have to choose, go for the boys’ jersey polo (soft, easy version of the classic in a ton of colors); boys’ gym short (slightly slimmer cut and great quality fabric work just as well outside of basketball practice); girls’ knit dress (amazing colors and price point and a no brainer for getting out the door fast and being happy all day long); and the girls’ capri legging (great, wide no-roll waistband and soft fabric with lots of stretch).

There you have it. Happy spring shopping, all. Don’t forget to plug in HHK when checking out before May 15 for a year’s worth of free shipping.

Gardening with Kids: Start Now!

March 24, 2015 by Kelley 1 Comment

Let’s face it: We all like and value spending time with our children, but you can play only so many games of hide-and-seek before wanting to crawl under the bed and never get found. A few years ago, I discovered an activity with children that combines the best of all worlds: fun, education, kid-friendly messiness, and adult-friendly productivity. It’s gardening—and not the plant-some-pansies-in a-sunhat sort. Last year, the boys and I grew enough romaine, baby carrots, and cucumbers to keep these items off the grocery bill for the better part of spring and summer.

Science makes a case for gardening with kids, too. Studies have shown that gardening can boost kids’ self esteem, a sense of ownership and pride, relationships with family members, a taste for fruits and veggies, and even academic performance.

My first year of gardening, I made a lot of mistakes, and almost gave up. Like baking, gardening is a science, and small missteps, not to mention weird weather and days when life gets in the way of watering, can mean curtains for a crop. I overwatered and drowned seedlings; I forgot to regularly pick my basil and it bolted and got tough; I crowded my carrots and they grew skimpy and stringy; and nothing became of the raspberries at all. There’s still a patch in the upper left hand corner of our tiny garden where, mysteriously, nothing but weeds will grow. But I keep at it, because it’s something the kids and I genuinely enjoy doing together three seasons out of the year. Here, on the right, is what our little patch looked like at the end of last summer.

Chioggia, golden, and bulls blood beets, grown by Marion Mass and her kids to sell to Puck Restaurant in Doylestown, PA.

Last week, I had the pleasure of talking to Marion Mass, M.D., a pediatrician at Jellinek Pediatrics in Doylestown, PA and a contributor to Two Peds in a Pod. Dr. Mass is a green thumb and then some: she and her three children have been growing—and growing, and growing—a garden for more than five years now. At first, they planted just four or five veggies in a small patch; now, they have more than 1,500 square feet of plants, including heirloom potatoes, tomatoes, and beets, among other exotic vegetables, to sell to individuals and one local restaurant.

Marion Mass’s daughter and friends, planting potatoes

With Dr. Mass’s help, I’ve made a checklist of all things you should be doing now to get a successful garden going this spring. We know this checklist, below, might sound daunting, but trust me, it’s doable, and worth it. And above all, says Dr. Mass, don’t give up. “Too many people start a garden, fail with one vegetable, and decide they can’t do it,” she says. “But you have to think of each planting as an experiment.” And what better message to send to your child then to try something new, have something fail, learn from it, and try again?

Gardening with Kids: Late March-Early April Must-Dos

	Select a spot for your garden. For your first year, 16-24 square feet (4x4, 2x8, 3x7, etc.) is plenty big enough. It should be in a place that gets about six hours of sun per day, has good drainage, and is close enough to a water source that a long hose can reach it.
	Decide what you want to grow and eat, and when. The Farmer's Almanac has a great site that allows you to plug in your zip code and see what you can successfully grow at different times of the year. They even have kid-friendly vegetable graphics on the chart that will help kids follow along. Don't be overly ambitious: Start with 1-3 veggies and maybe some herbs in the early spring and again in late spring. For an easy-to-grow first year, Dr. Mass recommends planning for lettuce and radishes in the early spring and tomatoes, cucumbers, and beans in the late spring/early summer.
	Purchase seeds. Home Depot and Loews carry a big selection. You can also find relatively affordable organic seeds at Burpee, Peaceful Farm and Garden Supply, Seeds of Change, and even Amazon.
	If you want to get a jump start on growing and get kids excited, start seeds indoors. This is best for plants with a long growing season, like tomatoes. It requires a sunny windowsill, some small starter pots or trays, and a seedling starter mix. Follow seed packet instructions and have kids help you mist with a spray bottle to keep moist (but not soggy) once or twice a day. Don't sweat it if seedlings fail; you can start seeds directly in ground according to planting guide above, or later in the spring, purchase seedlings from your local gardening center.
	Buy supplies, if needed, to prepare your garden plot. I used empty space in a mulch bed on the side of the house, and edged the space with these surprisingly real-looking, easy-to-install polyethylene "rock" strips from Home Depot. If you don't have that, you can dig up grass in your chosen plot (good instructions here), or opt for an easy raised bed, which sits right on top of the grass. Home Depot carries easy-assembly raised bed kits like this 4x4 plot by Greene's Fence. No yard? Put a tiny elevated bed on a sunny deck or patio space and plan for 1-2 vegetables and 1-2 herbs.
	Buy tools. Keep it simple: a trowel for working the soil, a hand rake, and a spade (for everyone in the family) works. Try this ergonomic four-piece kit for you and older children and this kid-friendly set for little ones. Soft, not-too-thick gloves are a must. Add a long hose if yours won't reach your spot, and a Dramm Wand in your kids' fave color to attach to your hose for easy, gentle watering children can manage.

This week, we planted seeds for baby romaine lettuce, nasturtium flowers, and our kids’ very favorite thing to grow and pick, Danvers 126 6-inch “half carrots” (named after the Massachusetts town where the market gardeners who developed them lived), in pots on the windowsill. There’s still snow on the ground, but as soon as it melts, we’ll clean out the garden, work in some fresh compost, and plant lettuce. What are you planning on growing? Send me your pics and tips—I’ll be doing gardening posts every month or so from now through the start of the next school year.

Top photo credit: Shutterstock

When to Talk About the Birds and Bees

March 21, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

My friend Beth recently sent me an email with an idea for a post. With her oldest son turning 9, she wondered if it was time to talk with him about the birds and bees.

Whaaat? I thought. My oldest is turning 9 soon, too, and I hadn’t thought that we were anywhere near “the talk.” I quickly started researching the topic, and it appeared that Beth was on the right track. Clearly, I was clueless, so I reached out to clinical psychologist Ellen Braaten, Ph.D. Dr. Braaten is the associate director of the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds and the director of the Learning and Emotional Assessment Program (LEAP), both based at Massachusetts General Hospital, as well as a mom. Here’s what I learned.

There shouldn’t be one big sex talk, but an evolving conversation—starting very early.

Once a child gets to be verbal, you can do a few things to set the stage for later talks about how babies are made. Dr. Braaten advises always using the correct names for body parts, and also demonstrating and talking about loving, gentle relationships, generally. You can also talk about what it means to be a family, making sure to point out that there are different types of families.

There’s a good chance that your preschooler or early elementary schooler will take note that other grown-ups—maybe you or your partner—are expecting and having babies, and they might start asking more, shall we say, technical questions. “You can and should answer all questions that come up, and be truthful, without adding unnecessary details that might confuse or upset them,” says Dr. Braaten. If you and your partner conceived in the traditional way, she suggests saying something like, “Mommy and Daddy love each other, and Daddy shared a small part of himself with a small part of Mommy, and those parts started to grow into a baby.” If you have a curious child who presses for more details—but how did Daddy’s part get inside Mommy?—Dr. Braaten likes the idea of talking about parents sharing a very special hug, and leaving it at that for the time being. (If your child is adopted or is conceived via a donor or surrogate, you’ll obviously have a different type of conversation. For guidance, Dr. Braaten advises talking to friends in similar situations who have older children. “Other parents are always your best guides when it comes to this subject, in particular,” she says.)

Between 8 and 10 is a good time to talk to kids about puberty and the basics of sex.

“Kids should know when and how bodies change before they hit puberty,” says Dr. Braaten. “When you do this, the conversation will be less personal and therefore less embarrassing for them, making them far more inclined to listen and ask the important questions.” Talking about what happens during puberty to both sexes is also important to demystify the changes that they might notice in their peers. Dr. Braaten also recommends having both you and your spouse or partner present during the conversation so your child knows that either of you can field questions or concerns later.

After you’ve given them the basics, leave them with a good book about puberty so they can refer to it later. For girls, Dr. Braaten recommends The Care and Keeping of You, by the makers of the American Girl doll series. For boys, The Boys Body Book, published in 2013, is well reviewed. Let them know you’re available to talk about any questions they might have.

A conversation about puberty allows you to segue naturally into the basics of sex. You can explain that girls’ and boys’ bodies change in preparation for creating babies later in life, after they develop a very close and loving relationship with someone. You then have to judge for yourself if this or another time is best to explain, frankly, how sex occurs. For many kids, these details might be best addressed in a separate conversation a year or two later. Other children will ask a lot of questions during a discussion about puberty, in which case you should be honest and to-the-point. “At this stage, keep the explanation brief and biologically based,” Dr. Braaten. To limit the chance that your child might share his new knowledge with a not-yet-informed classmate, make it clear that these conversations—just like sex itself—are very private and personal, and shouldn’t be discussed at school.

After the basic pre-teen sex talk, regularly take advantage of opportunities to talk about tougher topics.

Once your children are teens, you’ll want to talk to them about birth control and safe sex. Take every opportunity to discuss these subjects when they arise organically: like when the topic is discussed in a movie you’re watching together, or when your child talks about something that’s happening to a friend.

Every so often, a kid will ask a difficult question totally out of the blue, or in an inopportune place. If you’re not ready to address it thoughtfully, says Dr. Braaten, you can always say, ‘That’s a really good question but I’m not sure how to answer it right now. I’m going to think about it and get back to you—promise.’ And be sure to follow up within a day or two.

Finally, try to be non-judgmental whenever possible, and make sure you allow everything to be on the table. That way, your child will be more apt to come to you when they’re having a problem. “Parents tend to be naïve about their kids sexuality—it’s jarring to find out that a 13-year-old girl knows about or is even doing a lot of things that seem very ‘adult,’” says Dr. Braaten. “But kids today are exposed to more sexual conversation and images than ever before, from the Internet to everyday commercials. It can be shocking and confusing to them. As hard or uncomfortable as it may be, stay ahead of the curve. You want to be the person they go to with the tough questions.”

Photo credit: photo credit: Bees on a Bluebell via Photo Pin, cc

Spring Craft: Nest Helpers

March 12, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

Just when you think winter will never end, you wake up one morning to the tweeting of birds. The sound always makes me happy: I was raised in a family that was big on birds. We had multiple feeders outside our kitchen window, and my mom always made note, over her cup of coffee, about which birds were enjoying breakfast at the same time we were.

Now, I keep a Droll Yankee feeder—the easiest to refill and hang—in a sugar maple tree off the family room, and the boys and I always look for the neighborhood blue jay to make his rounds. Keeping a feeder filled has always seemed to me to be a great way to teach kids a number of lessons at once: selflessness, appreciation of the natural world, and the value of quiet observation, to name a few.

Yesterday morning, we visited the incredible deCordova Sculpture Park in Lincoln, MA, where curators were celebrating Henry David Thoreau’s Walden through artwork and interactive exhibits. In the kids’ activity room, museum staffers introduced the boys and me to a project I had never heard about before but immediately fell in love with: nest helpers. Basically, you gather a variety of natural and synthetic filler materials—from yarn to netting to sticks and leaves—and bind it together with pipe cleaners or yarn to hang or suspend in a tree. Especially in the still-barren days of early spring, birds will pull from these little bundles to build their nests.

The results are a little messy looking, which is really the beauty of this craft. It’s great for little hands and short attention spans. Here are some good materials to start with. Anything soft and strong works; biodegradable is best.

-Pipe cleaners, wire, or a berry basket from the supermarket

-Different color yarn, snipped into 1- or 2-foot strands

-Twigs and leaves

-Raffia or ribbon

-Spare fabric or rags, cut into small pieces

Start with a little holder for your materials: Bend two or three pieces of pipe cleaner or multiple strands of wire around one another to make a spherical shape, twisting closed at the top until an open ball is formed. (A berry basket is ready to go.) Stuff the ball or basket with your soft materials and hang the nest helper from a tree where birds frequent. Watch throughout the spring to see if your materials disappear, and keep an eye out for nests that have been made with colorful pieces from your helper ball or basket.