Photo by: Spirit-Fire
We all know it feels good to have a little quiet time amidst the chaos of our work and parenting lives. But new research shows that taking a breather—quite literally—improves health and happiness. Researchers at Vanderbilt University studied 243 moms of developmentally challenged kids; a full 85% of these women reported “significantly elevated stress levels.” During a six-month program that compared stress-reduction techniques, the moms who participated in a mindfulness training program, including specific breathing, meditation, and gentle movements, reported significant improvements when it came to depression, anxiety, sleep quality, and life satisfaction.
“Mindfulness” is a bit of a mystery to me. I understand the concept of meditation, though have never really tried it; I can appreciate the benefits of a few deep breaths, which occasionally prevent me from reflexively screeching at my children in a checkout line. But I was at a loss to incorporate a real mindfulness routine into my daily life. So I talked with HHK advisory board member Erica Reischer, Ph.D., a psychologist and parenting expert who also teaches yoga.
First, Dr. Reischer explained what mindfulness is, and why it can help moms, in particular. “Mindfulness is basically just taking a moment to pay close attention to what’s happening in the here and now,” she says. It can be as simple as noticing how your bare feet feel when you walk across a slate floor. Focusing in on these small, present moments has a mind-quieting, relaxing effect. “If you are able to be calmed and centered, you will have deeper, more accessible reserves as a parent, and you’ll be more likely to respond calmly and creatively to your children,” she says.
Meditation is simply a formal example of a mindfulness practice, in which you sit in quiet for a period time, noticing your breath, feeling your body, and letting thoughts pass without emotion or judgement. This can be surprisingly difficult for moms who spend entire days running through a mental checklist of must-dos and haven’t-dones. Dr. Reischer suggests meditation newbies start with just five minutes a day. It doesn’t matter when or where you do it; the most important thing is that you find a time and space in which you know you won’t be bothered by your kids, spouse or partner, or a beeping phone. (Setting an alarm to wake up a few minutes before the rest of the family is a good bet for many people.) Frequency, not duration, is the key to mindfulness practice, adds Dr. Reischer. “Making a routine of doing something mindful a little bit everyday is better than doing a long, formal meditation session every couple weeks,” she says. “Think of it like brushing your teeth.”
This week, I’ve been trying to do a short, daily meditation practice, with the help of UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC). The good folks at MARC have posted several free guided meditations on their website, including a 5-minute meditation for beginners, in which the center’s director Diana Winston gently guides listeners to breathe, relax, and “be kind to ourselves.” It is soothing and refreshing all at once. You can listen to and download this audio clip and others here.
If your kids are curious about your mindfulness practice, Dr. Reischer suggests buying a small, decorative gong to keep somewhere central in the house (many are surprisingly nice-looking and inexpensive; check out this one, for under $20). While the whole idea of a gong in the house may seem a little wacky, it can serve as a cue to remind everyone to take a pause during an especially busy day or argumentative moment. “Children love to sound the gong, and it can be a household ‘signal’ that everyone needs to stop and take two or three deep breaths,” she says. “It can bring the whole family back to the here and now, together, and that can be a special moment.”
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