What if Your Kid Hates Sports?

More kids than ever—a whopping 21.5 million, according a recent analysis by the Sports and Fitness Industry Association —play organized sports. Indeed, for better or occasionally worse, there seems to be a team for everyone, every season of the year. But what if you’re the parent of a child who doesn’t want to play on a team at all? For whom an hour at the dentist may be preferable to strapping on the shin pads and chasing after a soccer ball?

In our sports-crazed culture, parenting a child who claims to “hate sports” can be tricky. I’ve spoken with parents who worry that children who beg off little league tryouts or who shuffle around a basketball court in apparent misery are missing out on some important childhood rite—or at the very least, an opportunity to bond with peers in some meaningful way. These feelings are natural, particularly if you have a little youth league nostalgia yourself. Plus, there’s data suggesting that sports participation can help boost self-esteem, fitness, social confidence, and even academic achievement.

Other than putting a child’s lack of athletic interest in perspective—we are, after all, talking about games here—parents can do many things to support sports-averse kids at multiple ages and stages. In fact, many kids may get the physical, social, and emotional benefits of mainstream sports and more by participating in lower-stakes recreational games or less mainstream physical activities. With special thanks to HHK adviser Curt Hinson, Ph.D., a kinesiologist and dad who counsels schools around the country about improving gym and recess programs, we’re listed two big ideas here.

At the early childhood level…Don’t push programming.

It’s not hard to get sucked into the tot-team industrial complex cropping up in many communities (guilty here). It sometimes seems that everyone’s signing their preschoolers and kindergarteners up for soccer, tee ball, and the like. Sure, exposing a child to a variety of sports early on may be just thing to help him narrow down what he likes and doesn’t like. But if your little one starts balking every time you lace up those teeny-tiny cleats, it may be time to throw in the towel, at least temporarily. “The most common reasons a child ‘hates sports’ are that they had a bad experience or lack the skill to participate at a level that makes them feel successful,” says Dr. Hinson. Some tot-level organized sports—ones in which coaches attempt to teach skills that are above many participants’ fledgling physical capacities—can set the stage for both these problems. “If a child starts playing at an early age and he or she lacks the strength or coordination to participate at a successful level, they often become frustrated or bored, which, in a child’s mind, can equate to ‘hating sports,'” says Dr. Hinson.

If this is your kid, says Dr. Hinson, the best remedy is for parents not to force their children to play in an organized league, especially skill-based team sports like soccer, baseball, football, basketball or ice hockey. “It’s better in this scenario to spend the early years just playing with your child in the backyard or in an open gym space,” he says. “Often, throwing, catching and kicking skills can be developed quicker with you than at a team practice. Some team practices have kids standing around waiting in line more than they are engaged in skill development.” This way, you can gauge a young child’s interest without the pressures or costs of a team experience. Invite some friends or neighbors over every so often if the social aspect is of interest to you or your child. This may be extra work for you, but chances are the extra family time and lower pressure environment will benefit everyone.

At the elementary- and middle-school level…Sign up for alternative sports.

When your older child ‘hates sports,’ it may just be that he just hates the sports he’s been exposed to up until this point. While the saying that “there’s an athlete inside all of us,” may sound a little commercial or corny, it’s true that there’s some appealing physical activity out there for almost every child—and now more than ever. Some of those ballooning sports participation stats have to do with the fact that more and more kids are getting involved with physical activities that weren’t available to us as kids.

Talking to your friends, your child’s P.E. teachers, and, of course, local Google searches will help generate ideas. In our town outside of Boston, for instance, there are a few indoor rock climbing facilities that hold kids’ classes, and many kids’ skiing programs. Dr. Hinson has found that dance programs and gymnastics in particular appeal to many kids who are disinclined toward team sports. There’s also a growing number of fitness gyms that have launched kids’ programming, from yoga to Crossfit. More and more towns are holding running programs and races that begin at the school-age level, and there are even kids triathlons held in many communities (look for one near you at trifind.com).

Whether or not your child finds a friend who’s game to try out one of these alternative sports with her, consider joining her yourself. You may both get more fit—have you ever tried to keep up with a motivated 11-year-old?—and also find that the best bonding you do is on a running trail or chairlift. And that’s a win-win.

Photo credit: Biscarotte via Photo Pin, cc