JUST FOR YOU Archives - Happy Healthy Kids

A Sweet Surprise in the Woods

April 13, 2017 by Kelley Leave a Comment

After dropping the kids at school yesterday, though I had deadlines to meet and errands to do and really just wanted to get a scone from Starbucks above all else, I decided to take a walk. I pulled into a small wooded lot on the edge of a trail that’s conveniently located between the kids’ school and the main commercial drag in our town, put my earbuds in to listen to the news, and started walking.

I think it was just after hearing the latest on the despicable United airlines snafu—or maybe it was news about the apparent homicide of the first Muslim woman judge in the U.S.—that I saw, in the near distance, a shock of bright color in the middle of the still-leafless woods. As I ventured closer, I saw that there were about three dozen flags, hanging on a clothes line. Each one had a message, in different handwriting.

I turned off the news. I started to read.

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

There’s no shame being a broken man. Just pick up the pieces the best you can.

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.

Some were aphorisms. Some were personal stories. A few were happy scribbles in a child’s hand. All were positive. There was no sarcasm. No teenagers had come along and drawn any dirty pictures. There were just these lovely, bright messages, written by people who had stumbled upon this trail as I had; and a box full of blank canvas flags and markers, with a message attached: “These prayer flags were put up by Cub Scouts from Den 6 in Natick’s pack 22 after learning about religions of the world. They are based on the idea of Tibetan Prayer Flags. Please join the scouts in sending prayers, wishes and good thoughts blowing in the wind, spreading good will and compassion to all.”

Apparently, the installation of prayer flags like this is part of a larger movement called “The Peace Flag Project,” that organizations all over the world are participating in. I hadn’t seen one before, so this was new to me. My immediate thought was that the “universe” conspired this—for me to stumble upon such a heartwarming tableau exactly when I needed it—but then it occurred to me that the reality was even better: That good people, with all the right intentions—in this case, some cub scout leader who thinks out of the box—made this moment so. After a long winter leadened with fraught politics, social media sniping, tragic news around the world, and a few personal medical issues that tested my resolve, it was a moment I needed. It was just—nice.

For those who live in the Boston area, I urge you to take a walk this beautiful weekend in the Hunnewell Town Forest in Natick; the flags are a few hundred yards down the path that begins off of Oak Street just south of Route 9. If you’re looking for a project to do this spring that might fill your family’s or community’s cup in a similar way, check out this information on the website of The Peace Flag project.

12 Healthy Gift Ideas

December 13, 2016 by Kelley 1 Comment

When considering our nearest and dearest at the holidays, we’d all like to find a happy medium between passing off a plastic gift card and spending a hair-raising amount of time or money for the sake of “meaning.” Enter what I’ll call a “healthy gift”—an easy little something that helps a loved one feel, look, or do better; and, ideally, keeps on giving throughout the coming year. I tapped some of the doctors and wellness gurus whose advice we’ve shared on this blog to share their favorite healthy gifts to give in 2017. Hope you can find something for a special someone—including, maybe, you.

For your neighbor…
Instead of a cookie platter, dietitian and fitness trainer Dana White, R.D. likes to give homemade flavorings that people can use to make a recipe taste even more delicious. Her two favorites, that are super-easy to make but have a big “wow” factor: Homemade vanilla extract and rosemary-citrus sea salt. She packages the vanilla extract with her pumpkin chocolate chip muffin recipe, and the gourmet salt with her “ready-in-minutes” baked sweet potato chip recipe.
Get Dana’s vanilla extract recipe here and pumpkin-chocolate chip recipe here. Be sure to order small food-grade bottles in advance. You can get them at craft stores or 12 for $16 at Amazon.
Get Dana’s rosemary-citrus sea salt recipe here and baked sweet potato chip recipe here.

For elementary schoolers…
Balance toys promote all-important core strength, keep children active inside or out, and are unique in that they actually keep kids interest as they grow. Curt Hinson, Ph.D., founder of the Dr. Recess program encouraging more effective and creative physical fitness in schools, has two faves:
Teeter Popper: Kids can sit or stand on the treads, and rocking motion makes for cool suction noises on pavement $35 at Amazon.
Spooner Board: Kids can master tricks on this wide balance board, and get a jump start on the core movements they need to master surfing, skateboarding, or snowboarding. $45 at Fat Brain Toys.

For big kids…
Yale Pediatric Sleep Center director Craig Canapari, M.D. has written on here and on his phenomenal blog about how crucial rest is for kids and grown-ups alike. But due to anxiety, hormonal shifts, or noisy households, many kids have sleep problems that develop or persist beyond their baby years. For them (or sleep-deprived adults), “you can’t beat a Marpac sound conditioner,” says Dr. Canapari. Appropriately tech-y-looking for discerning older children, the domed device emits the soothing, consistent sound of gentle rushing air, with customizable tone and volume control. Marpac Dohm All-Natural White Noise Sound Machine, $45-50 at Amazon.

For ‘tweens and teens…
It may be infuriating, but it’s natural and even healthy for teens to crave some space from parents and younger siblings. For Two Peds in a Pod pediatricians and moms Julie Kardos, M.D. and Julie Kardos, M.D., a well-received gift for this age group are tools that honor their desire for privacy—”within reason.” Along with journals that can lock and remote controls that allow kids to put out their own light before putting themselves to bed, Drs. Kardos and Lai like bedroom doorbells that can attach to the outside of teens’ doors. Girlz Own Bedroom Doorbell, $13, Amazon.

For a sister or best friend…
When life feels like a closed circuit board of family and work, a great gift is something pampering and utterly self-involved. New York City dermatologist and mom of three, Julie Karen, M.D., of CompleteSkinMd, tries and tests hundreds of products, and is head-over-heels right now with one in particular: Alastin Restorative Eye Treatment. “This peptide rich cream is very hydrating, helps diminish undereye dark circles and puffiness, and also has the unique ability to stimulate new healthy elastic tissue,” she says. Alastin Restorative Eye Treatment, $85, CompleteSkinMD.

For your mom…
The growing season doesn’t have to end with the cold weather. Gardening guru Marion Mass suggests giving anyone who appreciates nature (and healthy eating) a “sprouting kit” to grow salad- and smoothie-friendly microgreens on the windowsill. You can buy a complete kit, like the one below), or give a cute, small container and seeds separately. Include a written or e-card with a link to Marion’s how-to on kitchen gardening: http://www.chicksforlife.com/videos-pxhnf. The Simply Good Box by Home Greens, $28, Amazon.

For your significant other…
“My favorite suggestion is to give a gift that does not involve a material possession but that involves growth,” says Ellen Braaten, Ph.D., director of the Learning and Emotional Assessment Program (LEAP) at the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital. Classes in a budding hobby or a personal passion, like cooking, can be a real treat. You can pick a Sur La Table specialty class in a fave topic—cookies to roasts—in many different culinary areas in 22 states. Sur La Table cooking classes, surlatable.com

For anyone…
A totally free and meaningful gift that family members can give one another is a handwritten gift certificate for a gesture or service that only they can provide, says Erica Reischer, Ph.D., a psychologist and parenting coach and author of What Great Parents Do: 75 Simple Strategies for Raising Kids Who Thrive. “One might say, “when presented with this certificate, mom or dad will put down their phone (or get off their computer) and spend time with me,” suggests Dr. Reischer. Other ideas: a 10-minute back massage before bed, a round of a favorite board game, or help with a house project that’s been back-burnered. What’s more: Honor it—and your loved one—with your full attention when it’s cashed in.

Photo credit: Dana White

The Next Great Parenting Book

August 11, 2016 by Kelley Leave a Comment

When I launched this blog two summers ago, my first goal was assembling an advisory board of world-class pediatric health and wellness experts to field questions whatever topic was on my mind (or under my skin) from week to week. I was thrilled when psychologist and parenting coach Erica Reischer, Ph.D became one of the first brave souls to sign on to this unknown, somewhat health-wonky venture, and now I’m not the least bit surprised that she’s now having a book published: What Great Parents Do.

If you’ve read the blog that inspired the book, you know Dr. Reischer has a knack for giving science-based tips that are both practical and soulful at the same time. Above all, a mom herself, she tells it like it is, and inspires us to do better without ever making us feel small when we’re frazzled or frustrated. Some topics she tackles:

-Handling (without fixing) kids’ discomforts and down-moments (look for more on this in an excerpt from her book about boredom in an upcoming post)

-Helping kids get comfortable by practicing the hard stuff (like greeting grown-ups, not acing their times tables)

-Understanding how kids’ still-growing brains are responsible for some of their worst behavior

-And ditching empty praise to teach kids a real road map for success: what she calls the 3 Ps (practice, patience, and perseverance).

It’s the type of book that you’ll want to keep on your bedside or start-up page to refer to in bits and pieces when you catch a moment (or need some motivation). If you’re one of the first 500 people to pre-order the book now, here, before it goes officially goes on sale on Aug. 16, you’ll get a bonus copy of Dr. Reischer’s how-to guide 5 Simple Steps to Get Kids to Listen *Without* Nagging or Yelling (Who couldn’t use that this time of year???)

Holiday Goal #3: Be Kinder to Yourself

December 11, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

As we go full-steam into the busy holiday season, we’re featuring guest posts from three wellness professionals who specialize in helping parents feel more centered and energized. On January 23, coaches Cory Halaby and Molly Maguire Shrewsberry and nutritionist Stacy Kennedy are also leading the Wellesley Wellness Retreat, where they’ll teach moms strategies for self-care and managing family life all year long. If you live anywhere near the Boston area, register now for the morning program as well as yoga, private coaching sessions, nutritional counseling, and massage in the afternoon. It’s sure to be a motivational and relaxing day.

In the final post of the week, wellness coach Molly Shrewsberry reminds us to be kind to just about the last person on our minds this month: ourselves. Molly is a health and wellness coach and creator of Love Well Live Well, a blog platform focused on the role of self-love and its impact on overall health and wellness.

During the holidays we tend to be extra hard on ourselves. The expectations we set are high: mailing out the perfect card, starting new traditions, attending every event we are invited to (and making sure we bring a delicious dish), finding meaningful gifts for all on our list, and creating a blissful atmosphere filled with nothing but positive, happy memories for our children.

These unrealistic expectations often end with disappointment, mixed with more than a few moments of guilt, negative self-talk, guilt, comparing, stress, irritation—and did I mention guilt?

This year, instead of giving into the madness, why not focus instead on giving yourself the gift of self-compassion. Parenting is hard work everyday, but extra challenging during the holidays. You are doing an amazing job…no matter how many things haven’t seemed to go your way or how long your to-do list is.

And when it comes to gifts for other people, let me simplify it for you: When it comes down to it, YOU are what people—in particular, your kids—want for the holidays. Spending time with mom and dad is more important to them than the toys on their list (as much as it doesn’t seem that way!) Don’t believe me? Watch this video. It’s a tear-jerker and great reminder.

As an added bonus, when you give yourself a break—and focus on things you need to do to be, above all, present and happy—you give the gift of modeling self-compassion for your kids. There’s nothing better than that.

How to start being more compassionate to yourself this month? Dr. Kristin Neff, the self-compassion guru, breaks this down to three elements.

1. Self-Kindness: “Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.” Be gentle with yourself, like you would someone close to you. If your friend told you she wasn’t going to mail out holiday cards, you wouldn’t make her feel ashamed about it. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.

2. Common Humanity: Parenting is filled with inadequacies and they tend to be over-exaggerated during the holidays. Not to mention the childhood memories and feelings that come up. The good news is that you are not alone! Everyone struggles and nobody is perfect. It’s what makes being human so amazing. Getting in touch with a friend who can relate will take you out of your “everyone else is perfect” mentality and bring you back to reality. I love laughing with friends about our shortcomings and mistakes. Friends also help to bring perspective. Do you really have it so bad? With the busyness, it’s easy to lose sight of what we really want to gain from the holiday season. It’s helpful to step back and think, “What do I want my children to look back and remember from the holidays?” I’m guessing it won’t be toys and a stressed-out mom!

3. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is a beautiful balance of acknowledging your feelings, but not focusing on the negative. Being mindful makes it easier to acknowledge your feelings and negative self-talk, realize you are not alone and remember the steps to be kind to yourself.

Now, you that you know the three components of self-compassion, here’s how to implement it into your life this month. When you’re exhausted, have a to-do list a mile long and have just yelled like a crazy person at your kids (again) for fighting and not listening to you, find a quiet few minutes and try this Self-Compassion Break Exercise: Realize this is a moment of suffering that is painful; remember suffering is a part of life; and then put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth of your hands on your chest.

With your hand over your heart, say to yourself phrase or two along the lines of “may I be kind to myself.” Here is one a loving-kindness meditation to try:

May I be filled with love.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

It’s amazing how things shift when we are as compassionate to ourselves, as we are with others.

Here’s to a self-compassionate, loving and accepting holiday…. however it may turn out!

—Molly

To find out more about the Wellesley Wellness Retreat and register yourself or a loved one, go to the website here. The event will be on January 23, with morning and afternoon sessions.

Holiday Goal #2: Fill Up on Feel-Good Foods

December 9, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

As we go full-steam into the busy holiday season, we’re featuring guest posts from three wellness professionals who specialize in helping parents feel more centered and energized. On January 23, coaches Cory Halaby and Molly Shrewsberry and nutritionist Stacy Kennedy are also leading the Wellesley Wellness Retreat, where they’ll teach moms strategies for self-care and managing family life all year long. If you live anywhere near the Boston area, register now for the morning program as well as yoga, private coaching sessions, nutritional counseling, and massage in the afternoon. It’s sure to be a motivational and relaxing day. Consider it a holiday gift to yourself—and your loved ones.

Today, I got some major motivation from Stacy Kennedy, MPH, RD, a nutritionist at Dana Farber-Brigham and Women’s Cancer Center in Boston as well as a licensed personal trainer and fitness instructor. Stacy is featured in the award-winning documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and works as the nutritionist for its affiliated company, Reboot with Joe. While many of us think of this month as a free pass to indulge in the snacks and sweets of the season, Stacy makes a case for trying to eat healthier than ever. Here are her top-four strategies—and some delicious nourishing recipes.

Hydrate with herbs. Choose a calming herbal tea over that extra cappuccino. Excessive caffeine can ramp up heart rate and contribute to feeling stressed and jittery. Herbal teas like ginger and lemon or chamomile help warm you up, keep you hydrated, and may exert calming effects.

Go for greens. Magnesium rich foods like kale, Swiss chard, collards and mustard greens can all help to regulate metabolism and stress hormones. Try a Roasted Pumpkin Salad, Green Smoothie, or Hearty but Healthy Soup.

Pick potassium. Foods naturally high in potassium like bananas in this Cinnamon Chai Protein Smoothie, avocado in these Fresh Veggie Enchiladas, sweet potato like these simple, tasty “fries”, and winter squash in this Harvest Cinnamon Spice Juice can help keep blood pressure in check.

Sip while shopping. Bring a juice or smoothie to sip on while shopping, and eat a healthy snack before heading out to work, errands, or your third holiday pageant of the week. Whether you’re shopping or attending one of the many events sprinkled throughout the season, there are rich and extreme calorie laden snacks everywhere. The fuller on nutrients you are, the better you’ll feel; more energized and resilient to resist temptation or at least make wise choices.

—Stacy

To find out more about the Wellesley Wellness Retreat and register yourself or a loved one, go to the website here. The event will be on January 23, with morning and afternoon sessions.

Holiday Goal #1: Find Real Joy

December 7, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

As we go full-steam into the busy holiday season, we’re featuring guest posts from three wellness professionals who specialize in helping parents feel more centered and energized. On January 23, coaches Cory Halaby and Molly Shrewsberry and nutritionist Stacy Kennedy are also leading the Wellesley Wellness Retreat, where they’ll teach moms strategies for self-care and managing family life all year long. If you live anywhere near the Boston area, register now for the morning program as well as yoga, private coaching sessions, nutritional counseling, and massage in the afternoon. It’s sure to be a motivational and relaxing day. Consider it a holiday gift to yourself—and your loved ones.

This first guest post is by Cory Halaby, a yoga and meditation instructor and owner of Within Life Coaching. Learn more at her website.

The holidays are upon us! How are you doing? If you’re a mother of young children you might still be acclimating yourself to the role of show-runner and executive producer of your family’s holiday spectacular. You’re now in charge of allocating your limited resources (time, money, and effort) to things like gifts, decorations, holiday cards, hospitality, charity, travel, family time, social events, school pageants, religious observance, etcetera. You are shaping your growing family’s traditions, memories and values. No pressure, though. Just good cheer!

If at any point you feel overwhelmed, sleep deprived, or dangerously disconnected from your sense of humor, I have an simple centering exercise to offer. Set aside 10 or 15 minutes—if you’re honest with yourself, you know you can find them—and squirrel yourself away in a quiet spot. Stash away your phone and grab a pen and three pieces of paper. Write a heading at the top of each page:

PEACE during the holidays makes me think of….

JOY during the holidays makes me think of…

LOVE during the holidays makes me think of…

Then, using the prompts you’ve written, do a “quick-write”—meaning, write anything that occurs to you, stream of consciousness style, for 3-5 minutes without stopping.

Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, sounding smart, or even making sense. Unlike most writing, the goal here isn’t to express your ideas. The purpose of quick-writing is to discover the raw material of your own thoughts with no editor or filter. Nobody will read them but you. And you can toss them out when you’re done.

As you write, focus on holiday memories you associate with peace, love and joy, as well as ideas for this season and future years.

For some reason, long-hand writing works better than ruminating in your head. Usually, once you start writing, thoughts you didn’t know were there start to turn up on the page. You might be surprised to learn that you associate “peace” with pjs and a new book on Christmas morning, or “joy” with plotting with your cousins to sneak extra chocolate, or “love” with the photos in your grandparents’ living room.

When you put your pen down, take a moment to dwell in the feelings of peace, love and joy themselves.

From this peaceful place, take a fresh look at your lists and plans for the weeks to come. If there are items that stand out now in sharp contrast the those feelings of peace, love and joy, you have my permission to drop them.

If you find one or two meaningful ideas to add to your list, like playing more music or reaching out to someone in need, go ahead. You’re in charge.

Most likely, you’ll discover more space for peace, love and joy in the special moments you’ve already got nestled up your little elf sleeve.

Whatever you do or don’t do during these short days and long nights, check in often with the feelings of peace, love and joy and let them guide you like your own personal North Star.

And try to get enough sleep.

—Cory

To find out more about the Wellesley Wellness Retreat and register yourself or a loved one, go to the website here. The event will be on January 23, with morning and afternoon sessions.

50 Parenting Truths They Left Out of the Books

June 22, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

My oldest son recently celebrated his 9^th birthday, which means—unthinkably—I’m in my final lap of my first decade of parenting. Because the start of summer has gotten me in a list-y sort of mood, I’ve spent the last couple weeks chipping away at a collection of random truths—my truths, at least—that seem to be missing from the parenting books I’ve amassed since my first pregnancy.

Aside from being a surprisingly cathartic exercise now, I thought it would interesting to be able to look back at this list after another decade has passed. What did I get right? Where was I clueless? What would I add once I was the parent of three big teenage boys (gulp) on the verge of adulthood?

Until then, I’m hoping you’ll share feedback and your own truths in comments or posts, and keep the list growing and growing.

1. Don’t, under any circumstances, try to pull down a dirty Pull-Up or swim diaper. Rip from the sides.

2. The terrible twos have nothing on the terrible threes. With another year, comes a greater sense of power.

3. Anything you let slide three times will become expected. That goes for them sleeping in your bed, skipping bath, eating a second dessert, and many, many other things.

4. The best way to clean a child’s nose is by sneak attack.

5. Trash and queasiness are inevitabilities in the family car. Always keep some plastic grocery bags in the glove compartment.

6. The ease with which your child learns to swim, ride a bike, and try a new food is far more dependent on their own internal voice than anything you can do or say.

7. Buy more milk, eggs, paper towels, socks, and sports water bottles than you think you’ll need.

8. Take the hand-me-downs.

9. Make a good babysitter happy.

10. An afternoon at the movies is fun, but with young children, a good video and popcorn is usually just as enjoyable for them and preferable in about a dozen ways for you.

11. Take 10 minutes to let kids run around a park, yard, or your apartment lobby before a road trip or restaurant meal.

12. Make sure your children get to bed on time the week before a vacation.

13. Three seasons of the year and for a good part of the fourth, top sheets on children’s beds are an unnecessary headache.

14. If you’re going to overspend on one thing your child’s going to wear, make it sneakers.

15. If your baby accepts a challenging food, keep giving it to him or her at least once a week. Otherwise, when you present it again in toddlerhood, he or she is likely to reject it.

16. If you want to get your child’s attention, sit in one place nearby for a few minutes, saying nothing.

17. Always pack water on car trips over 20 minutes.

18. If you go to the playground before 10 o’clock in the morning, bring an old towel to wipe down the slide.

19. It’s almost never something they ate, but a bug they’ve caught.

20. Kids will tire of even their favorite new toys within a couple months. Rotate boxes of 10 or so toys in and out of a hiding place.

21. Teach children to throw away wrappers and tissues in toddlerhood, otherwise you’ve got an uphill battle on your hands later.

22. An roll of kraft or butcher’s paper costs very little, lasts forever, and serves as an endless drawing surface, mess-free painting surface, tablecloth, or drop cloth.

23. Your child will have discussed with his or her friends certain (and almost always incorrect) aspects of the birds and bees long before you’ve had “the talk” with them.

24. Yell your point, and your child will focus on the yelling and miss the point.

25. They are still wiping wrong. Revisit lessons on technique regularly.

26. Learning to read and potty train are both longer processes than you think they will or should be.

27. When someone is unkind to your children, take heart: it will almost certainly hurt you more than it hurts them.

28. Your child’s general disposition at 4 months is very similar to what it will be at 4 years.

29. Nothing good comes from telling your child more than a couple minutes in advance that he or she is getting a shot at the doctor’s office.

30. It will be hard to believe that you will love a new child the way you love the one you already have, but you will.

31. Giving children the cold shoulder when you are angry will only confuse them.

32. After 30-60 minutes, the amount of screen time a child enjoys will be likely be inversely proportional to their good mood.

33. Telling your child about a mistake you’ve made can lead to a powerful connection between you.

34. Whether it’s reading, skating, sports, or a board game, a child will never really enjoy a pastime until he or she becomes basically capable at it. Expect the early days to be rough-going.

35. Set parental controls on the television and computer before you think you need to.

36. It’s tempting to skirt proper tuck-ins for older children, especially if they have younger siblings. Don’t.

37. It’s so much easier to clean up their room and toys for them, but that doesn’t mean you should.

38. You and the teacher are on the same team. Be absolutely candid with them about what your child is all about.

39. That perfect family? They have more worries and problems than you can imagine.

40. One of your child’s favorite foods will be his or her sibling’s least favorite foods, and vice versa. Don’t cut any of them out for this reason.

41. Once a child is potty trained, it will be infinitely easier to keep small stools in all bathrooms in the home for several years so children can go to the bathroom and wash their hands independently. Just buy a few.

42. The well-being of your oldest child will always be the barometer for how you think you’re doing as a parent.

43. Keep it light with kids, whenever possible.

44. Your neighbors know and care less about your family dynamics than you think they do.

45. If you find yourself starting to tell your child something for the third time in a row, start over, with eye contact.

46. When teachers recommend practicing the play lines at home, do it.

47. Offering a fellow parent a genuine compliment about his or her child can make that person’s day.

48. Your child’s “thing”—bugs, chess, rhythmic gymnastics—will likely change in two years.

49. Average can be—by definition—okay.

50. More hugs, fewer words.

What are some of your own parenting truths?

How to Take Great Photos Of Your Kids

May 28, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

There’s nothing like a beautiful or funny photo of a child to help remind us of the big-picture joys of raising kids. Even as years and legs stretch on, a photo will capture a stage or moment that may otherwise be stolen by the messiness of day-to-day life.

When it comes to memorializing our kids in 2-D, smartphones are a mixed blessing. The good: We can take tons of pictures, at any given moment. And the bad: We can take tons of pictures, at any given moment. We’ve devolved from point-and-shoot to point-and-tap, and too often, quality gets lost in quantity.

After discovering about three dozen crummy shots of blurry kids with blank expressions on my iPhone the other day, I decided it was time to get some legit advice on taking better pictures, before these irresistibly cute years pass by with few great photos to show for it. So I talked to the three moms I know who take the most unbelievably gorgeous, and seemingly effortless photos. My sister-in-law Susannah and friend Beth are amazing amateurs who are constantly taking and posting enviable shots of their children (they each have three). My high school friend Carolyn is a professional photographer who specializes in children’s and family portraits in Cincinnati (check out her website, Carolyn Bowles Photography, here.) They were kind enough to share their secrets to taking great photos of their kids and others’. Print out these tips and share them before summer vacation rolls around!

Susannah’s Tips

What’s your camera of choice? I always use the Canon EOS Rebel T3.

What settings do you use? I usually shoot in “full auto mode” (it automatically focuses, adjusts brightness, etc.) especially when taking photos of the kids on the move. I use portrait mode for holiday card photos, framed photos, etc. These are definitely my go-to, but in certain environments (beach, whatever), landscape and sports modes are also handy.

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? I always shoot with the sun behind my back so that it provides good, natural lighting. If you shoot with the sun facing the lens, you get hazy photos with lots of glare.

Stolen moments: Susannah took this photo of my oldest son and me in Martha’s Vineyard.

How do you get kids to look like they’re not being tortured in a photo? I generally take candids, which means I try to stay in the background, be as invisible as possible, and capture my kids in motion. I like to use my zoom feature, and take close-up photos of my kids’ faces, even when I’m far away. This allows me to capture really great, genuine moments without the groaning. For “staged” photos, my husband stands behind me and makes the kids laugh (pretending to trip over furniture is a go-to tactic). This helps generate genuine smiles in a staged setting.

What mistakes did you used to make? As I’ve become more experienced, I’ve really become more conscious of avoiding odd eyesores in the background (lawn furniture, bystanders, etc.)

Last piece of advice? Don’t be afraid to experiment and involve the kids—they love taking a picture or two.

Beth’s Tips

For water shots, Beth uses a Fuji Fine Pix point-and-shoot.

What’s your camera of choice? Sadly, most of my pictures end up being taken with my iPhone 5s, then cropped and edited. But when I’m really out to take pictures, I use a Nikon D40 SLR, most often with a 55-200mm zoom lens. You need to shoot from a distance with this, but that’s exactly why I love it: I can stay far away from the kids and get better candids, and I can really focus on details. I personally would rather capture the spark in one eye when a child is looking at something, than capture the 40 other things that could be going on in a standard frame. I also use a Fuji FinePix point-and-shoot in places where I don’t/can’t use my Nikon or iPhone—usually water-oriented things.

What settings do you use? As much as I can, I avoid using the flash, because I can never get the right tones. But if I have to use flash, then I deflect it/soften it using a bent index card. On my Nikon, I rely heavily on the automatic settings when I want dependable results, liking the portrait and action settings mostly. I also use iPhoto editing tools for adjusting color balance, cropping to get a better shot, etc. Very little that I share has not been at least re-framed.

Don't be afraid to break "the rules" of lighting.

Breaking “the rules” of lighting: Beth’s daughter at the Cape.

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? My favorites are the start and end of the days—it’s just good light. A full shadow is better than dappled shadows, and an overcast day is easier to shoot than a super sunny day (especially on snow and sand.) And some of my favorite shots break all the rules of lighting … I love evening backlighting and getting really dark subjects, especially if the kids are at play. And, when something is close but not quite right, playing with exposure and contrast after the fact can make a huge difference.

How do you get kids to not look like they’re being tortured in a photo? After a few horrific portrait sessions, I decided I’d rather have happy candids than “perfect” portraits. For those family pictures, though, it’s key that kids not be hungry, tired, or forced to sit while other kids are throwing a frisbee or eating ice cream. And not before opening gifts on Christmas morning. The best pictures tend to be taken at places where the kids are authentically happy anyway: with friends, at the beach, during an Easter Egg hunt or a birthday party.

What mistakes did you used to make? High expectations are the seed of disappointment: I no longer tell the kids that this is important to me. That’s the kiss of death. One mistake I have made again and again is waiting until the end of an event to try for a “memory” shot” (“Great Grandma is here, let’s get everyone in a picture..”). But the kids have been excused, Great Grandma is worried about the time, and no one is happy—and no one looks happy—even if you manage to get the shot. Do it at the beginning, or while everyone is sitting and eating. It’s way easier to put a plate down for 30 seconds than to reconvene everyone for a forced photo once the event is waning.

Last piece of advice? You can’t get good pictures if you don’t take pictures: Always have a camera with you, and take a lot of shots. And take a lot of them at once: On the iPhone, use the burst feature. A lot of point-and-shoots and SLRs have a version of it, too. Even if you get no perfect shots, they’ll have been taken so closely together that you have decent odds of photoshopping open eyes into a picture where one kid is caught mid-blink and everything else is great.

Carolyn’s Tips

What’s your camera of choice? I love the Canon 5D and it has been my go-to camera for many years. It’s amazing when paired with a lens like my favorite, the 50mm 1.2. I always tell people a great lens to start learning about photography is the 50mm 1.4, either Canon or Nikon. It’s called a prime lens because it’s at a set focal length. So, you move on your feet to move close to or far away from your subject. It’s an amazing lens and really helps you learn how to shoot in manual mode.

What settings do you use? I always set it on manual and make adjustments between aperture, shutter speed, and ISO. The great thing about digital cameras is that you can practice, practice, and practice some more without wasting money on film. Plus, you can get instant feedback by checking the back screen so you can make adjustments and get the exposure right.

Carolyn Bowles Photography

What time of day or positioning of sun is best? My favorite is a few hours before sunset. I love that soft, glowy, even light that you get when the sun starts to go down for the day. Now, while I encourage all my clients to choose this time of day, sometimes it just doesn’t work out and we have to shoot mid-day. In that case, I’ll find nice open shade so I don’t have to worry about the sun. I may need to move around my subject multiple times to find the most pleasing light before I start snapping away. Take your time to get the set up right with the light and you’ll be so happy you did.

How do you get kids to not look like they’re being tortured in a photo? I like to start every session by telling the kids how much fun we’re going to have. This is in big contrast to some parents who want to tell their kids to quickly smile and then they can get a treat. In my experience, that tactic rarely works because the child never fully settles into being photographed. He/she instead does a fake smile super quick just to get to the treat. But if you make the session fun by playing games, blowing bubbles, going on a nature walk,

Carolyn Bowles Photography

swinging with parents, running in circles, having a tea party, or whatever is of interest, that child will have a blast and be engaged and forget that he/she is even being photographed. That’s where the magic starts and you get genuine, documentary style portraits that every parent wants to have of their child. That’s not to say that kids don’t have meltdowns, get upset, or feel tired. In that case, I always encourage parents to have snacks and drinks on hand. Sometimes we even stop a session to read a book and just take a break with no photos. When we have a specific pose in mind or something we want to accomplish, I find that hardly ever goes well. But if we see where the photos lead us and what the kids do, it leads to unique portraits that tell the story of that individual child.

What mistakes did you used to make or do you see other parents make? A mistake I often see parents do is to start to get upset themselves that a photo session may not go as they had planned. Again, it takes much patience, ease, and go-with-the-flow attitude when photographing children.

Any final tips or tricks? One, I would encourage everyone to try moving toward manual mode. Start by setting your camera to AP mode (“aperture-priority”). In this case, you choose the aperture (how much light comes into the camera) and then the camera chooses the shutter speed and ISO. It’s the first step into seeing how these three technical things work together. Once you get the hang of it, you can eventually get into manual mode and see your photography start to take off! Two, get a good photo management system to help you organize your photos and not hog space on your device. After I take my photos, I upload them immediately to Lightroom (an Adobe app), choose my favorites to process and delete the ones I don’t like. Finally, print your portraits! Get them off your hard drive and actually enjoy them. The look of joy when I hand over a wall gallery of prints, a masterpiece canvas, or an album of a session to a family is priceless and always reminds me to print my own photos.

Surviving End-of-School-Year Stress

May 11, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

When did sunny, celebration-filled May surpass chilly, budget-blowing December as moms’ most annoying month the year?

Maybe it has always been this way, or perhaps growing children—with their growing commitments, cruelly concentrated at the end of the school year—is just now making me feel this way. In any event, I can’t remember any periods in my parenting life where I’ve felt like our family’s work-life combo platter has been piled quite this high. The kids, meanwhile, spend most of their time hopping around like monkeys, vacillating between overexcitement and burnout.

Thankfully, Cory Halaby has shared with us her five top tips for keeping everyone sane during this crazy-busy time. Trained by Oprah magazine columnist Martha Beck, Halaby is a life coach, yoga instructor, meditation enthusiast, and mother of two middle schoolers. In the wisest, gentlest, most inspiring way imaginable, she coaches moms who want to love what they do all day right now, and when their kids are grown. Here are some thoughts she shared with me about juggling your commitments this spring, while also taking time to stop and smell the flowers.

Repeat after me, “Springtime is full of activity and change…and that’s okay.”

We can easily waste energy and create unnecessary upset when we’re wishing things were different than they are. As author and spiritual teacher, Byron Katie, often says, “When you argue with reality, you lose—but only 100% of the time.” If you’ve got kids in school and a few extracurricular activities, you’re going to be busier than usual. It’s temporary and it’s fine. You don’t have get everything right or do it perfectly. Just take a deep breath and do what you can.

Lean on your lists and check your calendar often.
These might sound like more chores, but believe me, you’ll be better able to relax and appreciate all of the end-of-year celebrations if you know when they are and what you’re supposed to bring. For the next few weeks, set aside five quiet minutes (it might mean waking up five minutes earlier) to write down every task, and keep a sharp eye on your calendar for random half-days, extra rehearsals, field trips, etc.

Take time to savor the day’s highlights.
Our brains are wired with a negative bias, meaning we remember disasters vividly for years and forget sweet moments quickly. Even if your day was replete with tantrums, tardiness, and a trip to the emergency room, there were probably some good laughs and small triumphs in the mix. You can talk about them at dinner, write them down, or just think of a few as you brush you teeth before bed.

Get on the same page as your spouse or partner.
Explain the nature of springtime for you if your co-parent isn’t already clued in. Detail your hopes, concerns and fears, as well as the types of support you could use. Be ready to listen and offer support as well. (Brené Brown writes beautifully about vulnerability and the power of being honest about your hopes and fears with your spouse. It sounds uncomfortable, but will make your relationship a gazillion times stronger and more satisfying. You probably don’t have time to read her right now, but add Daring Greatly or The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting to your summer reading/listening list.)

Do your best with all of the above, but whether things go well or not, be kind to yourself.
That’s right: Be kind to yourself. (It’s worth repeating.) Your children are learning from your example. When this and many more spring seasons have come and gone, they will have internalized kindness to see them through. They will learn it from you.
Here’s an image to help with that last bit, the kindness part: Picture a little kid in a dance recital, the kind you might be buying tights and bobby pins for this week. She’s excited and nervous. She’s been practicing new skills all year and is ready to shine, but she’s out of her comfort zone on stage and not sure how it’s going to go. She really doesn’t want to be embarrassed or let anyone down. From the audience you can see how totally adorable this kid is. You see her being brave and trying her best. You hope she will be able to think on her feet, trust herself and have a ball up there. You hope it all goes perfectly, but if it doesn’t, if a shoe flies off or a step is forgotten, you still love that kid. You still just want her to have great time being herself. What else is dancing for?
Now see how much you are like that kid. You’ve been practicing new skills all year and now it’s time to show them off. You can organize and prepare for activities, be present and compassionate with your kids, guard sleep and healthy food habits, remember the permission slips, sunscreen, bandaids, baseball mitts and bug-spray, all with a little more intensity than usual. Trust yourself. Bust a move. If it all goes sideways, you’ll have good story material to laugh about later. You are still totally adorable. Enjoy yourself. What else is living for?To learn more from and about Cory Halaby, check out her website.

9 Podcasts Worth Listening to Now

April 16, 2015 by Kelley Leave a Comment

In the #sorrynotsorry category of parenting, I admit that I listen to podcasts around the house all the time. When I discovered about two years ago that there was a way to stimulate my brain and funny bone while also slogging away on household minutia—and that it didn’t involve a screen, which causes my kids to drop everything stare, even if it were BBC—it was a revelation. I can deal with stuff at my desk, clean the kitchen, fold laundry, and even—ok, #justalittlesorry—play hide-and-seek—all while learning, from real, intelligent adults, about Isis, genomic testing, a great new slow cooker recipe, or really solid parenting advice. If my kids are otherwise engaged, they don’t seem to notice or really care, and I swear, if I really need to pay attention to what’s going on, I put just one earbud in. (Kidding! I really do have limits.) But seriously, I consider podcast listening to be multitasking for the mind and soul. It’s also a great distraction during a run.

I’m listing my faves, here. Some are podcasts designed to inspire a listener to become a better parent; others indirectly inspire me to be a better parent because they give me more things to think about than what’s going on in my little house, in my little neighborhood, in my little town. They are all FREE, and easy to subscribe to or cherry pick interesting-looking episodes from, using the iTunes or Stitcher apps. Happy listening!

Mom and Dad are Fighting. Slate editors Allison Benedikt and Dan Kois are smart, dry, and hilariously honest about parenting life in our crazy-busy times. A highlight is their regular”Parenting Triumphs and Fails” segment.
Take a listen: Is My Kid a Narcissist?

Zen Parenting Radio. Though based outside of Chicago, ZPR is going to appeal to anyone who’d like to be more calm and balanced as a parent (or person). And Cathy and Todd Adams, who are married with three girls, are just about the nicest two people you’d ever hope to listen to on the radio. They’re also pop-culture junkies and have a funny, familiar rapport—you kind of feel like you’re sitting across from couple-friends at dinner while listening to them (is that a little stalker-ish?)
Take a listen: Actions Express Priorities

The Longest Shortest Time. What’s genius about this sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking podcast, which draws heavily from early parenthood experiences, is how host Hillary Frank often focuses on a single person’s (often very moving) story to illustrate a larger point about family life. And it’s fearless: One recent episode brought in sex columnist Dan Savage to talk about sex after parenthood, and it was no-holds-barred.
Take a listen: When Are You Gonna Be Normal Again?

Radiolab. Hosts Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich are clearly endlessly curious and deeply intelligent guys who use episodes to explore a single, usually deeply puzzling phenomenon in the realm of science, art, history, law, or human nature. Some are appropriate for curious older kids (like the brilliant “Colors.“)
Take a listen: 23 Weeks, 6 Days

America’s Test Kitchen. This is more than a cooking show: Cook’s Illustrated founder Christopher Kimball, test kitchen guru Bridget Lancaster and the rest of their team do talk about cooking tips, kitchen gadgets and wine pairings, but also the history and culture of food.
Take a listen: The New Theory of Evolution: Cooking Made us Human!

Freakonomics Radio. Economist Steven Levitt and writer Stephen Dubner have used their bestselling 2005 book as a launchpad for this quirky, fascinating podcast in which they explore cultural phenomena through data and economic theory. It’s far from wonky—you’ll feel like you’ve just sat in the world’s most entertaining Econ lecture after every episode.
Take a listen: Is College Really Worth It?

This American Life. This hugely popular program has about a million listeners downloading it each week, and if you’re new to podcasts, this is a good place to start. Each week, Ira Glass and his crew share real-life stories around certain themes related to culture, psychology, politics, or just family life.
Take a listen: Switched at Birth

Serial. This American Life spinoff and now most-listened to podcast in the history of the genre will be back with a second season at some as-yet-to-be-announced date later the year, and for any of us who hung on host Sarah Koenig’s every word about the fascinating murder trial of teenager Adnan Syed in season 1, that time can’t come soon enough. The idea is that Koenig digs into the intricacies and unexplored mysteries of one true story over the course of entire season. Haven’t listened yet? You can listen to the entirety of Season 1 now—I challenge you to not binge-listen.
Take a listen: Season 1, Episode 1: The Alibi

Fresh Air. With her naturalness and curiosity and even sometimes-awkwardness, Terry Gross is the best interviewer in the business. For each one-hour show she gets a celebrity or writer or thinker to talk about his or her life and work, in depth.
Take a listen: Conversation with Maurice Sendak