It sounds like the plot of a bad ‘tween sitcom, or maybe just your mother talking, but there’s actually some solid science behind it: Expensive or trendy clothing, technology, and gear don’t help kids become more popular, according to a large study by British researchers who are studying the effects of consumer culture on kids. In fact, children who acquire “cool” things in an effort to gain friends often wind up feeling worse about themselves than they did before getting the coveted items.
This seems like a particularly relevant topic now, at the start of the school year, as kids start noticing what new gadgets and styles friends have acquired over the summer. They start complaining about being the only one without (an Xbox, an iPhone 6, monogrammed Uggs). And unless you’re made of flint, chances are a tiny part of you has at least briefly considered the notion that a certain trendy item might help a lonely child feel more confident or accepted.
But this study, of more than 1,000 children ages 8 to 14, showed the opposite. Kids not only had a diminished identity after turning to consumer goods to boost their social status, they also reported increased rejection from peers after acquiring coveted items. Researchers at the University of Sussex, who recently presented these findings as part of their ongoing Children’s Consumer Culture Project, refer to this as consumerism’s “downward spiral,” in which lower well-being leads to consumer value adoption which, in turn, lowers well-being further.
While the research itself may be over kids’ heads, it might give some of us more confidence when we assure our children that “things” aren’t the ticket to a better seat in the cafeteria or more playdate invitations. If you think your child might need a little guidance on the social front, this piece in Psychology Today by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D is a really helpful read. Called “How Children Make Friends,” it discusses the most important “ingredients” for socializing, including basic, straightforward advice that’s easy to pass onto kids (such as how to greet a peer in the morning). It’s a pretty great primer even for sometimes-shy grown-ups, too.
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